three paragraphs on flossing

I don't floss regularly. I bet you don't either. Who flosses regularly? People like my friend E., who eats so much beef jerky that her dentist told her to floss less, are the only people who floss every day. That's it. I bet dentists don't even floss regularly. I flossed last night and my gums are still tender this afternoon. Flossing is like exercise: if you don't do it regularly it hurts more when you actually get around to doing it.

After each visit to the dentist my mouth is sore and the dental assistant's fingers are sore from holding the sharp scraper thingy for what seems like hours as she scrapes the plaque from my gums. My dentist tries to scare me into flossing more by telling me about receding gums and periodontal disease, both of which definitely sound unpleasant. It would be much easier for all of us if I just flossed every day, or even every other day. Then why don't I floss? Laziness, plain and simple. Flossing at the end of a long day seems like a lot of work when all you want to do is go to bed and watch the news because you are actually 76 instead of 39.

Today, July 28, I vow to floss more. Maybe not every day, but definitely more often than I currently do. If I floss more, my dentist will be so surprised to see my beautiful gums! She will tell me that I only have to visit her once a year instead of twice. My son will start behaving regularly and not throw any more tantrums. My wife will do the dishes and vacuum while I sit on the couch and watch the Mariners. So many great things will happen! I can't wait to floss again...sometime soon, but probably not today.